I have been thinking about my cousin Alex’s recent beautifully descriptive blog post in which she remembers Stew’s unenthusiastic response to me serving him a hot pork pie almost four decades ago. Pork pies hold a special place in Stew’s world: there is nothing he likes more than finding a new and interesting variety to enjoy. Jae, Gwen and Katie came up trumps for Father’s Day this year: they sent Stew a massive pie inscribed “Dad”, together with a few bottles of beer and some crisps to go with it. Stew tucked into the pie with some beans in the caravan on the day – and consumed the lot very happily.
I know exactly what motivated me to serve Stew with a hot pork pie all these years ago: I was attempting to prove a point – but failed miserably!
When Jae was a small baby – well, she was never very small, but you know what I mean – we lived in Manchester. I was persuaded one afternoon to accompany a friend to a local church for a meeting of the Mothers’ Union. There were about a dozen or so young mothers there and a creche for the babies, which was probably the main attraction, as far as I was concerned. The entertainment that afternoon was a game of Twenty Questions – which had been both a radio and a television show a few years earlier. An answerer would be picked to go out front and was handed a piece of paper with something written on it and the rest of the group had to guess what was on the paper using twenty questions – with the answerer responding either “yes” or “no”.
Well, when my turn came to be the answerer, I was handed a piece of paper with “A Pork Pie” written on it. Eventually I was asked “Is it edible?” and I replied “Yes”. A few questions further on I responded to both “Would it be eaten hot?” and “Would it be eaten for breakfast?” in the affirmative. I have no idea why I said “Yes” in response to either of them. I dare say if someone had put anything in front of me to eat at any time in these days, when I was constantly hungry with breast feeding a giant baby, I would have scoffed it! Well of course, given these answers, they didn’t guess it in the requisite twenty questions. When I read out what the words were, they were all outraged at me. They told me no-one would eat a pork pie hot or for breakfast!. Needless to say, I was never encouraged to go to the Mother’s Union again!
So by subsequently serving Stew a hot pork pie, which Alex has reminded us of, I think I was trying to justify my answer – to no avail, unfortunately. Unusually, Stew was on the same side as the members of the Mothers’ Union. In reminding Stew of this today, I ventured that perhaps at the time, I had no idea what a pork pie was. After all, in Scotland, didn’t we always eat delicious mutton pies, which certainly benefitted from being hot? Stew scoffed at this possibility: of course I knew – hadn’t we spent hours wandering round Lewis’s basement in Glasgow lusting after the wonderful pork pies in their display – especially those with an egg running through the middle? Yes, how could I forget that regular outing?
I have scanned the internet to see if there is any possibility of being served pork pies on Kilimanjaro, but the answer to that is definitely negative: no pies of any sort are mentioned. A typical Kilimanjaro breakfast will involve eggs (boiled or fried), porridge, a saveloy (possibly with some tomatoes too), a piece of fruit such as a banana or orange, some bread with jam, honey or peanut butter and a mug or two of tea, hot chocolate or coffee. Lunch on Kilimanjaro is usually prepared at breakfast and carried by the walker in his or her daypack. This packed lunch often consists of a boiled egg, some sandwiches, a banana or orange, and some tea kept warm in a flask and carried by the guide. The Kili park officials are trying to stop trekking operators from making cooked lunches along the trail for environmental reasons. At the end of the day’s walking, afternoon tea is served with biscuits, peanuts and, best of all, salted popcorn: I love that. The final and biggest meal of the day, dinner, usually begins with soup, followed by a main course including chicken or meat, a vegetable sauce, some cabbage, and rice or pasta; if our porters have brought up some potatoes, these will usually be eaten on the first night as they are so heavy.
So it seems that despite the absence of pies, we will not be too hungry. And now we have another idea of what to do in the dark in our tent when we can’t sleep at night: we can play Twenty Questions to while away the time, though I had better be more careful how I answer, if I don’t want to be lynched again!